Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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