i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
