Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
