3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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