Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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