Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
