pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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