I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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