Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
