Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
