Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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