My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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