Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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