Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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