im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
