i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
