you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
