life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
