I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The Olympian is in my bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
