I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
