just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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