I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
