if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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