She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
