it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
