grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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