you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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