My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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