i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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