I cockslap morals
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
