All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
