I just pynch a tree in the face
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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