Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
