Betty ford says i'm here all night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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