I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
