i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
