I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
