so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
