i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
