i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
