we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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