He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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