Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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