Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
