I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
