Can Purell be used as lube?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
