you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize