I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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