I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
time to smoke my breakfast
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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