Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
