then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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