i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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