i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
