I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
