my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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