Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
