Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
