ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
